A Better Process for Resolving Family Disputes
Relating to the Distribution of the Parents' Estate

Navigating a Traumatic Time: Navigating the unintended conflicts created by your parents’ will, trust, and/or other estate planning can be, for many, one of the hardest, most emotionally traumatic periods of life. A person can find himself or herself simultaneously coping with the grief and loss that attend the death of a parent, trying to process his or her emotional response to the way the estate is being distributed, struggling to sort out the time consuming and unfamiliar chores attending a death, and having to navigate both expected and unexpected conflicts with your siblings.

Complex Conflicts: And conflicts with siblings over estate distribution issues are rarely simple matters. If the parent suffered a prolonged illness prior to death or if some of the children do not live close by, the sibling who took on responsibility for taking care of the parent may feel unappreciated or unfairly treated. At the same time, siblings who live far away, may feel distrustful and out of the loop. Likewise, each sibling’s experience of his place or roll in the family may be re-engaged following the death of a parent and the pain of old, unresolved wounds may be renewed. Ineffective or unconstructive patterns of communication between family members can contribute a further layer of stress, misunderstanding and emotion. And then differences in each sibling’s standard of living, income, state of residence, family obligations, and future plans can make it hard for all to understand and approve of the way the others wish to handle their portion of the estate assets.

Hope Arrives:  The good news is that simply identifying the complexity of such conflict opens a way to reduce the pain it causes. It does so by helping a person to immediately grasp the value of finding a conflict resolution process that respects and knows how to guide people through the conflict’s deeply human dynamics. When you are able to clearly describe the thing you are looking for in this way, you are on the verge of finding it. Suddenly, there is hope that there is a way to get your needs met and for healing in the family to occur.

Already, you may have taken the important step of realizing that litigating your conflict with other family members is not the process you are looking for. But what is?

Here are ten ways that Family Tree Mediation believes estate dispute mediation can serve you and your family better than any other alternative: 

1. By creating and holding a caring, attentive and inquiring communication space where you can all feel equally respected, free and encouraged to speak your truth in a confidential setting;
2. By facilitating a multi-party communication process aimed at giving each family member deeper satisfaction that he or she really has been heard and understood;
3. By identifying and distinguishing between the different positions held by respective family members and the core needs those positions are intended to satisfy;
4. By facilitating exploration of each others’ core needs as a means for creating more opportunity for creative solutions that address the diverse range of interests represented among the whole family;
5. By identifying and discussing different standards and processes for evaluating the merit of proposed solutions;
6. By helping the family to apply those standards as a means for voluntarily coming to and refining an agreement on a plan for addressing the issues at hand;
7. By facilitating the development of a plan for implementing the solutions agreed upon;
8. By assisting the family in formalizing the agreement;
9. By fostering an environment in which family members have the opportunity to heal old wounds, apologize for any past wrongs or regrets, and overcome childhood or other patterns that no longer serve a useful purpose;
10. And by creating an opportunity for training and practice in more constructive communication patterns that will serve the family well when faced with other difficult issues in the future.

If you have questions you would like to ask about Family Tree Mediation’s proactive estate planning mediation services or if you would like to schedule an appointment for mediation, you can call me at (650) 762-TREE [762-8733] or email me using the email form on our Contact Us page.  

Hank Edson, J.D.          CALL: (650) 762-8733

Proprietor of Family Tree Mediation
Serving Redwood City, Atherton,
Menlo Park, Palo Alto, Mountain View,
Los Altos and the wider Peninsula &
San Francisco Bay Area.